MOURNING ...still mourning



When you are heavily grieving, you need space. You need an extra allowance from the pressures and impatience and rigid schedules of society. There is a time warp when you are extraordinarily sad and very little makes sense at this stage. Once upon a time, wearing the color black signified that you were in mourning and it was a signal to all - family and strangers alike - to give you a little leeway. Perhaps even show you a little kindness.

You don't outwardly *see* it in our culture, but literally everyone will be mourning the death of someone at one time or another in their life. It may be their friend, their partner, their parent or even a beloved pet. You may not be so quick to lash out at someone who is acting irrationally or "crazy" if you knew that their world was turned upside down by a recent death. Maybe you don't *give* them anything extra, but you might bite your tongue so not to worsen things.

We need to be *taught* how to mourn. Very few actually feel able to cry in public (or cry at all) and yet- we definitely want to sometimes- or can't help it... It just comes like a flood. The way each person mourns a death is unique to them, but it doesn't necessarily come naturally. We need to look to those who have "been through it" before. But if those who have been through it before, never properly mourned themselves- like many in our society- then we have to look outside of our own family or culture for healthy examples.

I created these MOURNING ...still mourning bracelets for an easy way to show the world that you need space. It's going to take an enormous cultural shift to recognize the importance of mourning in our own lives and in society but this is a small start. Wear it yourself and wear them with your friends and family. When the active mourning eases a little, turn your bracelet inside out where it says in barely visible writing, "...still mourning." Your grief will ease, but it will never fully go away. And this is good. If we can keep just the beneficial parts of grief- if you can cultivate an open tender heart that allows for MORE loving and MORE living, then that is a gift from the death that was so painful.

The price for these bracelets is $20 for ten and that includes shipping. If you have financial hardships, message me with your reason for mourning and I will send you some for free. Here is the link:


Purchase "MOURNING ... still mourning" Bracelets


Below are some other things to try if you are actively grieving. But, try to find a balance... Which is hard at a time when you feel no balance at all. But try not to do all of only one thing- try a variety and be your own judge about which things work best to help you begin to both feel and heal. Also, remember to get plenty of sleep and keep hydrating. Your adrenals get really taxed and you need to keep flushing.

  • Find others who are mourning the same thing
  • Find someone who will listen to you
  • Take space and time away by yourself
  • Sleep-- a lot
  • Go to the forest
  • Plant something, dig in the soil
  • Go to the ocean 
  • Listen to music- listen to a kind of music you ordinarily don't listen to
  • Try various mediums of art
  • Play with children - or just watch them play
  • Play with animals - or just watch them
  • Move your body- dance or yoga or martial arts... 
  • Find a punching bag and use it
  • Scream
  • Cry- a lot
  • If you can't on your own, slice onions, watch a sad movie- just try to start a flow from your eyes
  • Partake in a ceremony... A ceremony for you and a ceremony for your loved one who has died
  • When someone asks if you need anything- say YES- try to think of a way they can help
  • Look at things that are very small- like busy ants
  • Look at things that are very big- like videos about outer space
  • Just sit and do nothing- stare into space
  • Sleep
  • Get a massage- or even use your own hand to rub your muscles
  • Do breathing exercises
  • Meditate
  • Find a spiritual or religious leader that you trust
  • Find an elder that you trust
  • Go for a drive by yourself (make sure you're not actively sobbing- or speeding- be safe!)
  • Write all of the things you want to say to the one who has died - keep it or burn it when youre ready
  • Sit by a fire and watch it
  • Eat
  • Or, don't eat-- but no matter what- keep hydrated 
  • Run or exercise
  • Visit the nursing home or retirement home
  • Visit the animal shelter
  • Volunteer for those less fortunate than you
  • Research how other cultures grieve- and how they incorporate death into their culture
  • Think of someone who might need a shoulder to cry on and offer it to them
  • Ask people for hugs
  • Sleep
  • Tell people- even strangers- that you are having a hard time
  • Wear black or wear something that signifies mourning to you
  • Create art out of nature and leave it there so that will be destroyed by nature as well
  • Make food and give it away
  • Do something repetitive for a long period of time such as shredding newspaper or sanding wood
  • Do visualization techniques that incorporate you into how you want to feel- imagine it is where you are already
  • Take long baths with epsome salts 
  • Use essential oils that feel/smell soothing 
  • Sleep







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