Death Appropriation

Death Positivity is on the rise. And it looks… strange in a lot of ways.

Caitlin Doughty is a rockstar and the now deceased Jon Underwood is a savior for popularizing Death Cafés world-wide. There are a few other ways that death positivity is spreading its wings and it’s a little less obvious about what kind of impact it is having.

There was/is a woman in France who offers to bottle up the scent of your departed loved one and sell it to you. I thought at first the scent would be extracted from the dead human, like what’s done with skunks. And, the mortician let’s the perfumer do that? I guess it’s more like they try to mimic the scent gathered from the dead person’s clothing. Hummm. Also available in addition to the not so common sea burial is space burial. There’s a service in England that will blast your cremains up into space for about 10,000 pounds. That might seem like an excessive price, but let’s keep in mind that the average funeral in the US costs about $10,000.

Fashionable clothing for the dead is fun and new. Mushroom unitards that eat dead flesh are pretty sweet and some designers create one-of-a-kind shrouds made of biodegradable materials like silk, cotton, hemp and wool. While other designers have created garments that look like you can wear them on a hot date to grind at the Club, but then, just in case the night does not go well, you can be buried in them also. Seems convenient. 

Death festivals are popping up like daisies and there’s an app called Morticians Tale where you can embalm a body. (No organic burial shroud option in that game.) Disney’s "Book of Life", the newly released "Coco" and of course last year’s James Bond all have glamorized Mexico’s Dia de los Muertos to the point where Mexico responded with an outrageous real-life Dia de los Muertos parade for 2017.-- just to fulfill the hopes and dreams of those who really wanted the James Bond parade to be a real thing.

So, how do you weed out what is what's hyperbole, what's trendy and what is healthy talk and efforts toward reversing our massive cultural denial of death? Are the movies about Mexico’s Day of the Dead of bit insensitive and kitchy? Is it cool to make money off from Mexico’s intimate and ancient way of connecting with their dead?  That smells like straight up Cultural Appropriation to me.  Do the fashion designers and festival coordinators know anything about death and dying? Have they touched upon their own grief or tried to guide someone else through grief? Have they even contemplated their own mortality and what it means to no longer walk on earth and to potentially be forgotten while the rest of the world moves on? Or, do they just look great in black (goth never really went away did it?) and being interested in death is edgy and cool and hey, money flows in and after death. Just ask any funeral home.

The main question here is, is there such thing as Death Appropriation? We all know someone who has died and those who have had someone close to them die might have an idea of what Death Appropriation could mean. You know, when you go to the office and people who have never talked to you before suddenly try to be your best friend. Or, you see someone who was blatantly estranged from your loved one who is recently deceased and they are hysterically crying and gathering a crowd because they are so heart broken.  Suddenly Facebook is flooded with, “RIP So and So. I will always love you.” And you’re like, “WHAT? You can’t say that after one date with that person!”  It seems people try to “own” other people’s sorrow sometimes.

We love to make everything “appropriation” these days. And a lot of it is seriously legit. Don’t talk in fake Chinese when ordering Chinese food (asshole). Don’t wear a glitzy Hajib for the night out to dinner unless you’re Muslim. But, I'm not sure we can really think we can claim Death Appropriation in any arena because we will all die. Death will happen to us, it is happening to us, whether or not we fake cry or try to make money off from it, our human body will decay and die and we will become dead. Unlike talking in fake Chinese where we will never become Chinese.

So, is every death commodity a good thing because it’s making money off a touchy subject? Or, is it just not a bad a thing if it gets people to contemplate their own life—and death--eventually?   Do we sometimes clamp on to a sad situation and make it our own because it’s so rare in our society that we are allowed to grieve publicly and, well, it feels good? Is there a difference between the person who will fingerprint your dead loved one and make a necklace for you, the same as the funeral home that tries to up sell a coffin even though it's going to be be burned in cremation?  

Maybe what should be considered is intention. Consider the individual who is creating a home-based business for themselves verses the state law that mandates you use a funeral director even if you want to care for your deceased at home. In particular, a funeral home that shows you first the most expensive out-of-season flowers before the locally available lesser expensive ones.

So, to me, no, while tastelessness is not appreciated and can be really insensitive, there is no death appropriation. Gently remind anyone who is insensitive that they will one day be on the receiving end—just as life intended.

 *State laws and prices vary. Prices for burial/cremation options vary but green burial if you live in the country is free! And, although many funeral directors and cemeteries will not necessarily offer it upfront as an option, green burial might be an available in your local cemetery. Carefully check all the laws in your state as they vary widely. But, it's good to be informed!
 Note: The above is not my artwork. Click on the photo to bring you to the original online post. If you are the artist, and wish to have it removed, please message me.